Just Another Boring Blog

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Cloudy skies...

Who We Are playing...

This immediately made my day better, as I drove towards the cloudy morning in the valley. Yesterday I felt immense sadness and discouragement, but this made things much better for me.

I took the week off... the daily blogging was getting to me.

Phone interview went well. But, then again, it went well last year also. Now I get to find out if the assistant manager (who is now the manager) can get over himself long enough to recognize a good opportunity when one comes knocking. Sure, I am going to ask for a bit of money to come back, but you are getting a double deal here - you get an employee with almost 8 years experience that you don't have to train, and you get to hurt your competition by pulling their prime technician away from them. Guess we'll see if he wants to play ball and give me the salary I am asking for (not asking for unreasonable amounts... a couple dollars more than the current job pays me).

I saw a movie - Ted. It was fun, Seth McFarlane is a genius, as always.

I'm having a bad week. I think it might be time to start looking for a psychologist again. I feel like all of the happiness is being drained out of me slowly. I wake up in the morning and try to throw a good attitude on, but as the day progresses I just feel like I am being crushed. I have no recovery time.... I work, then I come home and concentrate on family-ing, and then I go to bed and repeat. This is very detrimental to my mental health - I need some solitude. I need alone time that I can turn up some relaxing music, forget the numbing stress, and reset my mind. I don't have any of that lately. It's sad, because I can tell that my wife is happier when I live this way... when I don't take any time for myself and spend my time at home with family all night. When I do this, it really takes a toll on my stress levels and things I can cope with. I am less happy while she is more happy. There is a 'happy medium' (pun intended) there, certainly, but I can't balance it out. Guess I'll err on the side of her happiness, and hope I can glean some for myself.

I really need some solitude...

The Binding of Issac is an amazing game - it is designed like a roguelike (google that if you've never played Nethack, shame on you) but with rooms like Legend of Zelda (yes, the NES original). It spoofs a bunch of different internet memes and video games and such... I can't put this thing down. Now, enough blogging and back to Binding of Issac.

Way too tired for this today... running on 3 hrs sleep. My D3 ring didn't sell yet (listed it for 99.99) so I still be a-broke. Ah well, more tomorrow.

I've been arguing on Facebook with folks for the past 24 hours about Affordable Healthcare Act ("Obamacare"), and it really surprises me how many people have incorrect information about what is about to happen. For some reason, there is an idea out there that this is healthcare reform, that this will provide healthcare to everyone, and will be free. Where the actual fuck are they getting these ideas from? Like, where are they getting information at in the first place? Do people just hear this talk over the water cooler or in Starbucks and make up the details in their mind? Do they read a little blurb on an internet news source and then go and invent the details?

There are some good things that this plan is going to do, such as no exclusion for pre-existing conditions, and the elimination of the term "pre-existing condition" over the next 6-8 years. Rather, people will be grouped into low and high risk groups, and pay different fees accordingly. Any regulation on the health care providers is good news, they are as evil as drug companies.


How the fuck are we going to pay for this. By 'we', I mean those of us who work 40-60 hours a week, pull in a regular paycheck, and pay our bills every month. By 'we' I don't mean those ~30 million people that are about to be dropped into the health care system. They are going to continue not affording health care, this needs to be realized. Repeat: This is not health care reform, this is not a single-payer system, this is simply a bill that adds regulation to health care providers. It is amazing that ADDING REGULATION has become synonymous with HEATH CARE REFORM. I've been reading a thread on Reddit that an Australian poster made, in attempting to understand the issues that opposition to 'Obamacare' have:


...and I think that people that live in countries where socialized, government-provided health care already exists have a completely unrealistic view of why we would be angry at this. My healthcare premiums went up from $3320 to $4420 last year (basically, I took an $1100 paycut to my yearly salary at a time I can't even afford to pay my rent). They will go up again this year, according to HR. I'd imagine another ~$1000 will be in order. My deductibles doubled. If an increase happens this year, I will most likely have to drop insurance coverage and pay cash out-of-pocket for medical care. I can't afford to pay 12-15% of my salary just to have insurance. That is without one single medical visit all year, ~15% of my salary gone. THEN, I get to pay the deductible out-of-pocket. It used to be $1000, now it's $2000. Another 5% of my salary before the insurance company helps me with one penny of coverage. 20% of my salary gone, and I can finally take out insurance claims. Of course, this only covers a percentage (80% on most visits, less than that on long-term care, ER, or hospital stays).

Please tell me why I should care about Obamacare, if all it is going to do for me personally is fuck me out of insurance coverage? I guess I should quit my job and live off of the state so I can be under the cutoff line, right? No, fuck that. This is why we are against this. It is fucking the working adult over to help the uninsured (whatever the reason he is uninsured).

Tangent: This is where the whole touchy-feely argument comes into play, and it is a lethal weapon indeed.

'Don't you want to help your fellow man? Should he die because he doesn't have coverage?'

That's pretty much what that Reddit post states. I guess philosophically this argument is sound, but I care a lot less about widespread suffering than I do about my family. This is a fault I have because of my Aspergers issue, but I have no empathy at all. People die in Africa all day long and nobody gives a flying fuck about it, but we can bitch all day long about our first-world problems. I don't care if you aren't insured buddy, a good portion of the world isn't. Go to the ER and get free healthcare, nobody is stopping you. Do I think everyone should be covered? Sure, make it fair though. It sucks that you are unemployed, whether because you are playing the system and taking out 2 years of unemployment checks and food stamps, or actually need the help. It sucks, but life sucks. It is very hard for me to be empathetic on this subject - I've been there. Hell, I still am there. But I suck it up and go to work every day, rarely get a day off, and my last vacation was my honeymoon in 2010 (and that was a trip 2 hours out of town for three days). I am not entitled to shit, so why are you? Answer: You aren't, whiny bitches.

Fuck everyone, this post just made me hate people again.

I watched "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" today, and it was an immensely sad movie. It is about an impending apocalypse, and the events surrounding the character Dodge, played by Steve Carell. I was struck by the ridiculousness of how Dodge acted in the last two weeks of the human race. Some people killed themselves, others began to riot and kill, but the most unfitting circumstance came at two points in the movie.

Still others attempted to throw themselves at the main character sexually, but him being a mopey character, declines all but one happenstance sexual advance from the other main character, late in the movie.

It leads me to wonder how I would act in a similar circumstance. Would I run around participating in constant orgies until the world blows up, or would I sit down in a bunker and plan for the rebuilding? This would be a very interesting choice...

I'd post more about sex to spice it up, but I really don't have much to say right now. Our sex is better than it's been in a long time currently, but I'm not sure why. Perhaps I'll attach one of those little surveys I used to do at the bottom here...


Ah, guess it doesn't link an image like it used to. It seems I am only 55.6% pure now, down from the mid 70's last time I took it (2004ish). I don't think I'll go much lower than that after looking over the answers. I've had my one homosexual experience, nothing I think I'll repeat. I have no interest in any of the nastiness factor things they put on there (see bestiality, defecation, etc), little interest in the more extreme BSDM Sub/Dom, Sadomasochism, or the like. I may accrue some points in the multiple partner categories after a while, but I can't imagine that will drop my score below 50%. So, I guess I am pretty close to as 'impure' as I will get unless I end up in prison or something (you figure that part out...).
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A friend saved my life (well, my house) because he is an awesome person. Thank you Joey.

Taking Geology and another Psych class this upcoming semester - part of me still wants to do Neuroscience, and the more I learn about the different ways in which our minds work, the more I become interested in it. The other parts of me want this part of me to stop studying this subject so that I can focus on Physics and not feel like a failure.

All I have ever wanted to do was learn about the stars, and the question "Why?", and it depresses and irritates me that I seem to be split between these two disciplines. I certainly enjoy the basics of Psych more, but I can't possibly see it being a more intellectually fulfilling choice for my career. I'll spend the rest of my life thinking "what could I have understood about this universe if I'd only chosen to follow my dream?"

I think I am shaming myself into avoiding neuro, and the advice I get is always "ooh you should do what you are more interested in" which I always find to be silly advice. Of course I am more interested in psych right now - the basis of Physics is Mathematics, and Math is not an intensely gripping subject for me. If it were, I'd be going into Mathematics instead. You need Math to understand Physics, and I only care about the Physics, so I need the Math. I know I'll hate myself forever (much like I already do, for listening to my family and delaying 10 years) if I go into Neuroscience.

BUT - fuck its so interesting. Why does the brain have to be so damned interesting? If only there were some interdisciplinary function for neuro to meet physics... The closest I can find is Medical Physics, and I really don't want to spend my life coming up with more efficient ways to do a PET or MRI (or whatever, medical is not very interesting to me). GRAAAAAAAAA.

I am fat. I know I am fat, I have been fat for a while now, and I don't enjoy being fat. I reached the peak of my fatness last year, when the scale tipped above the 300 mark. This is a very sore spot for me, as when I was alone and doing my hermit thing (and getting zero outside contact, exercise, etc) and eating a diet consisting of Quiznos, Del Taco, and my morning Belgian Waffle House breakfast at Ft. Union in Midvale, I was hovering around 200. Not thin, sure, but I was a fairly muscular guy. My life consisted of sitting on my ass playing 12-16 hours of online games on my offdays, with a small spattering of work and school thrown in for flavor. I would sleep 4-6 hours a night, play games, play Magic, and once in a while go to a movie with friends.

I had zero social skills, my last female attraction at this point would have been a date I had the week before I moved to Salt Lake with Amanda (no, not my sister, mongs, a different Amanda), in which I felt like a fool for driving a big beat up 1970's green truck around. There were girls around, Aaron (first roommate) had a constant stream of women in and out of that apartment that were 'friends of his girlfriend', whom lived there with us unannounced. Some of them hit on me, I didn't really respond very well. One of the cuter/nicer ones (dark hair, glasses, liked to watch me play warcraft III for some reason) I took to lunch a couple times, but at this point I was still so emotionally scarred that I didn't think that women were obtainable. Later, I caught them doing drugs a few times and lost all interest.

Back to what I started with - now that I am married and working 50-55 hours a week, plus school, plus kids, plus trying to squeeze in something relaxing so that I don't lose my whole mind - I have no time for anything, basically. I know I have been steadily gaining weight, I know I should exercise and such, but it is just so foreign to me. I never exercised when I was younger, I just maintained a semi-okay weight. Now, though, I sit in my car, eat fast food every day, and hate myself for it.

[Another tangent]
I hate fast food. People throw words like HATE or STARVING around constantly when they don't mean it. I do. I could never, ever eat another hamburger, pizza, chicken sandwich, or french fry, and I would be happier for it. But this is the conundrum I run into on a daily basis - I rarely eat breakfast, because I have no time. I refuse to wake up earlier because I drive around all day long, and it is hazardous to my health to not squeeze as much sleep in as I possibly can. I don't go to bed earlier, because I barely have enough time during the workweek to deal with family responsibilities and maintain the minimum required relaxation time to retain my sanity. I get almost no time to myself, which I desperately require to keep my mental issues in check, so I am stuck in quite the position here. I eat fast food to save my sanity, basically. It is the only point in my day I have control over - lunch and mealtimes can either be dictated by my waking up 30 min earlier to make a meal for myself at lunch, or I can grab a $0.99 chicken wrap at wendys for the 4th month straight and stave off depression a bit longer. This has led to something around 9 years worth of eating almost exclusively at Arbys, Wendys, Taco Bell, Del Taco, and Burger King. Suffice it to say that I am done and over with this shit. My only remaining issue is WHY IN THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE SALADS $7 WHEN A MORE COMPLEX MEAT PRODUCT IS $0.99? Yeah, I can't afford that. I guess I'll stay fat for now.

I bring this up because I was whispered about after going into an atm room this morning. The room was built as an addon in this bank, and thus is missing things like a ceiling, soundproof walls, etc. Apparently, these two women didn't realize this. They were chatty in the cubicle next to the atm room, and I could clearly overhear their whole conversation. One was sad about a breakup and the other was giving her advice to go look for a really rich guy, marry him, and then divorce him because men deserve that. The sad girl, admittedly, was less rude, and said all she wants is a guy that she can be happy with. The other girl laughed and said she could go back and hit on the ATM guy, he looks like a real winner. Sad girl made some noise and said something about how that is rude, and he is cute, don't be mean, but the bitch girl said eww no he is so fat and gross I wouldn't let him touch me, and went off on a spiel about how gross fat people are and making up retarded names like fatty fatty bojangles while making stomping noises.

I fake coughed and they shut up.

Thanks, Scottsdale bitch. Really appreciate your view of the world. How does my weight, or anyone else, affect you? I didn't hit on you, you don't know me, and I'm not sure that I have ever even talked to you. Thanks for massively fucking my mood up today... I needed another reason to be depressed.

Yep, I am fat. I am trying to lose weight also (lost 15lb so far). I have been part of a facebook group that is organized by a nutritionist for a few months, and he is helping me make wiser choices. I guess in the meantime I will continue to be subjected to ridicule while I try to cover up enough self-hatred and depression to not kill myself. Thanks lady.

(Caveat - No, I'm not going to kill myself. Just an expression.)

What is the obsession with Apple products? In the tech world, you either have been having spontaneous orgasms over Macs since the early 90's, or you think they are a pile of shit (they are). As someone that works in the tech industry, I have always had a real hard time trying to get to the bottom of Apple love (though, I imagine at the bottom I will find a fanboy deepthroating an apple-shaped phallus). The G-series Macs were atrocious, but these were really the first Macs I had exposure to. We had them in Canyonview High library, I think we may have had them in my middle school as well, but I can't recall. When I used them in libraries and such, they seemed fine for what they were, and honestly they are fine for what they do. If you like a very simple, unchangeable, almost universally incompatible PC/Laptop, then Macs are great.

When I left my childhood behind and started exploring technology, I became very suspicious of why people were so in love with Macs. I picked up a Mac in college so that I could say I'd used one, and I immediately noticed a few things. I believe that OSX had just released, and I thought that it was a great operating system. Clean, easy to maneuver around, even compared to my chopped-down version of Windows 2000. Then, I attempted to run some programs and found out that almost nothing was compatible with my pile of garbage. Well, crap... one strike in the negative. Later, the fan went out, and I found out that Macs are both really impossibly hard to take apart and work on, and completely incompatible with any run-of-the-mill computer hardware. Strike two. Mac shit is retarded expensive to replace. Strike three. Why do you people use these? I have a hard time believing that the iMac or whatever the newest version of Mac/Laptop is called these days is any better. You still have overly expensive, difficult to work on, incompatible with 95% of software computer platforms. But hey, the case looks cool and it has a shiny apple on it, so lets pay $3000 for something I could build out of spare PC parts for $500.

I believe the same is true of the iPhone. The iPhone 4S is technically inferior in nearly every way to the Droid line, but people eat that shit up because it has a talking robot voice called Siri. The only two friends that Christie and I have (they are a married couple) are in love with their iPhones, and I want to have the same discussion I am having here with them. I forwarded them technical specs on the Droid phones available, and I didn't hear anything about it. Feel free to substitute iPad in here as well. I'll give Apple the benefit of the doubt on iPods (they did truly have a superior product on that one, and it was competitively priced) but I feel like they aren't even trying now - they are riding Steve Jobs name and the prior success of the iPhone 1/2 that may have been a superior product at the time. That was 4-6 years ago, though, and right now they are not a good product choice.

So, please tell me why you love paying Apple so much more for identical products (or less powerful, even).

In Politico
Why is this country so hypnotized by the two-party system that you get ridicule thrown at you if you go against the grain? I can't understand these militant partisan defenders at all. Think about this for a moment: How many groups can you think of which you agree with 100% of their ideas, methods, and goals? The answer there is probably some fraction of 1%. If you came across some organization that held precisely the same aims in mind as you had, I could see fighting tooth-and-nail over piddling little details, and defending it to your last breath. But, this situation is highly unlikely. Lets take a more realistic turn; how much do you need to match your ideals with the [political] cause that you are defending to hold this kind of loyalty and fervor for such a plan?


If we start talking about numbers lower than that (and, of course, the numbers are just an analogy, you obviously can't easily grade this on an exact percentage scale) then it becomes a bit suspect to defend something with such ardor.

75% - You disagree with a quarter of what someone is saying, and still want to stand on a soapbox and vote only based on the D or R in front of the candidate, or the party that proposed/supports said legislation?

50%??? - HALF of everything the guy is saying feels wrong to you, and yet you still vote the same way.

Under 50% becomes comical. But, I just had a discussion with my grandmother in which she couldn't give me half of what she agrees with as support for Mitt Romney, but he is a Mormon, and he is a Republican.

'Obama is the devil and the worst president in history because he is a Democrat and wants socialism and socialized medical care. He wants to take everyone's money and give it to people that sit around all day and do nothing. He wants to give our country to the environmentalists. He is going to get us to 50 trillion in debt if he gets elected again. There is no way Obama could ever win another election, he is the worst president of all time.'

Not an exact quote, but the gist of what she said. Really? Come on now... we have had criminals as presidents multiple times. Not ideological differences you may have with the guy, that brand him a criminal in someone's eyes, but actual felons. Agree with him on anything or not, saying that he is the worst president of all time is pathetic. She can dislike him all she wants, but she doesn't agree that healthcare is fine how it was (she has had multiple strokes, is paralyzed, can't afford therapy or mobility devices, and medicare barely covers anything), nor that Mitt Romney has said anything that could possibly give any idea that he knows better. The national debt? Presidents since Nixon have been consistently fucking our country up, this is hardly only Obama's fault. If anything, it is Nixon and Reagan that caused this idiocy, with their bending-over-backwards love affairs with deregulation and lobbyists. Tax on the upper class was in excess of 80% prior to Reagan, and this country was flourishing. There were jobs everywhere. Then a small economic downturn in the early 80's happens, and suddenly the upper tax bracket drops to less than the lowest bracket pays. Granted, on paper it said 80%, and 38% respectively, but you are blind if you think that the upper bracket every paid anywhere near 80% with all of the tax loopholes. Now, with their super low bracket, they pay 10%? What did Romney claim on his returns.. 16%? I don't feel like looking it up right now, but it was mostly capital gains tax (which is taxed at 10%?), so he lucked out there eh?

I could go on and on about this, but I am done. I disagree philosophically with the things Obama has done because of the mandate on health insurance and the fact that he KNEW that a single-payer system was the only real fix for this country, but took it off the table in his very opening argument to make lobbyists happy (feel free to google that, it's true). That right there was enough to lose my vote, no matter what else he has done. At the same time, I am not going to vote against someone just because they are Republican and Mormon, though my grandmother thinks that is a perfectly acceptable reason to vote someone in. I am not voting for Romney because he has zero answers to anything - he just wants to toss dirt at Obama and get elected. Nobody wants to propose anything that will fix this country, so we will continue going down in flames.

I'll caveat this with saying that Ron Paul is the only candidate that is talking any sense, and we see how the media is treating him. When you have a media outlet controlled by one of two parties, and anyone going outside of party lines has no hope of any real airplay, then things will never change.


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